Oct 30, 2026

Recently, I am wondering what else is there to discover. If there is anything else.

I have tried and learned and done many things. After a while, they tend to become the same thing. Like, the underlying principles seem the same.

What else is there?

I have been trying to remember what child-me liked. What I found exciting before the world started telling me to study, use my time well, "improve".

I am very, very tired of improving. Apparently, when you talk to people or consume any kind of media, the assumption is that humans need improving at any age.

If I haven't improved enough by now, after all this time and all this effort and trying harder and harder - if I'm not good enough by now, I'd rather stay bad. Thank you very much.

Anyway, what did child-me like before we started "improving"?

It is not easy to remember. 

I need to sleep a lot to remember.

Maybe I will do just that.

But I think I remember that child-me liked exploration and discovery of any kind. 

I was constantly ready, expecting even, to find amazing and magic things that no one else had found before, just because nobody thought to look in the right place.

I expected to find treasures in the undergrowth next to the playground.

I was fairly sure that there was a hidden castle below the grass in my family's garden. Only I couldn't dig deep enough.

I'm not sure if there's anything left to discover. 

I explored the early web too, and I discovered many things.

But since then, I often thought I had found a new route of discovery in the internet, new playgrounds, and it turned out they grew crowded quickly. 

They turned out to be malls with huge parking lots that were only pretty clever at giving people the impression of new-found wilderness at first sight.

What now?